Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
