All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
