a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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