I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize