you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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