Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
