so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
