Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
