You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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