There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
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We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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