Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
