I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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