he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
