I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sext me about skeletons
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
