D3 body, D1 cock
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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