i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
