You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
