Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
