I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.