i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"