Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
