Tell her she can't have a vagina
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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