You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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