Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
