I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
