oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
