stop calling my apartment porn island.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
