I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
