im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
