Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Need sex. Gaining weight.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
