Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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