Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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