That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
