i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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