butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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