I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
