no you cant smoke seaweed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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