There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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