I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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