she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
