just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
