Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Farmville is her only friend.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
