thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
