why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
