I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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