Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I intend to get homeless drunk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
