I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
