I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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