Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
