He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize