can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
