i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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