Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
