I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
