i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
