He passed out mid-signature
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
