i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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