I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
