she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
