btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
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All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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