you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
