you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
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She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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