Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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